1. Nightsweats
Oh my gosh, the nightsweats! All I can say is get your spare PJs and bedding lined up because these sweats are the real dealio and no, I'm not overexaggerating. It ain't a mild brow sweat, it's full on drenched like you've been walking through a desert drenched! No one told me about them and my gosh, when they hit they were full on, had me mega confused and online with Dr. Google in no time.
So, what causes nightsweats? Well, quite simply put ~ hormones. It's a normal and natural reaction to your body's changing hormone levels and so far, every mom I've spoken to has had them so it would seem they're quite common. During pregnancy your estrogen and progesterone levels are right up there and then once baby is born your body needs to get them back down to pre-preggy normal levels. This whole process affects your body temperature at night......HELLO NIGHTSWEATS!!!
Here are a few things you can do to make life a bit more comfy while you are living through the nightsweat stage of postpartum:
1. use lightweight/moisture wicking sheets
2. sleep in your underwear
3. drink less coffee ~ especially at night
4. drink cold water before bed
5. cool your body with a cold cloth
NOTE - if your nightsweats are accompanied by chills or a fever please get in touch with your GP because that could be a signs of a possible infection, not just pesky nightsweats.
Pictured: a tired, sweaty me with just my knickers on breastfeeding my second baby. It isn't always glamorous especially not when the nightsweats roll in.
On a side note ~ this is a typical dad capture. A very real life, in the moment, nothing flattering about it kind of picture. The kind of ones that most dads are renowned for ~ LOL!
2. Mastitis
I had this with both of my kids (twice with the second) and let me tell you, it ain't pleasant and it certainly isn't spoken about enough (well, not that I heard about anyway). I have never felt more ill than I did when I had mastitis and I think what makes it even tougher is that you are sleep deprived, in pain from birth, you have a little human relying on you for comfort and sustenance, oh and you have to keep feeding off the inflamed boob.
So, what is it exactly? Well, it is basically inflammation of the breast tissue and it sometimes involves infection. Your boob feels warm to the touch, it'll be red near the blockage and if you're lucky like me, your whole body will ache.
This is what my boob looked like with mastitis
The red patch is the blocked duct and that's where the pain will be
What to do if you have mastitis? Well, I found a nice warm cloth or hot water bottle on the inflamed site helped ease the pain and gentle massaging down from the armpit towards the nipple helped me clear a blockage. Putting baby on the inflamed boob first for feeds helps with draining the milk which is vitally important. Draining the milk helps to drain the blockage and keep it clear. Be careful with pumping ~ you don't want to pump more than your baby needs because this could lead to an over supply that, if not drained quick enough, will possibly cause another blockage. I found that taking ibuprofen and paracetemol helped with the pain (it won't affect baby at all!) and be sure to hand baby over to your partner so you can get some much needed sleep because we all know that sleep is the best medicine. If you find that none of the above helps to shift the blockage and you venture into fever and chills territory get in touch with your GP for antibiotics ASAP! I had to take antibiotics when I had mastitis with both of my boys and they cleared it up straight away. The antibiotics had no impact on my boys and I was able to get back to normal quicker than I would have if I'd just left it. REMINDER: You matter too! There is no point in feeling horrendous when you really don't have to.
What causes it? The first time around it was brought on by a nursing bra that was too tight. You honestly cannot comprehend how much volume you'll get when that milk comes in so I'd strongly recommend holding off on getting nursing bras until your milk has come in. The bra I had cut into my boob on the side and that caused a blockage. Less than 12 hours later and VOILA! Mastitis. So, avoid tight bras and clothing!
The second time around, my little dude had a tongue tie that went undetected for about 6 weeks. He couldn't latch properly because of the tongue tie and so he wasn't able to drain my boob properly. This is why it is absolutely crucial that you ask your midwife or health visitor to check, check and check again to make sure that your baby doesn't have a tongue tie especially if you breastfeeding has been extremely painful and it seems like your little one can't latch properly.
My husband asked a midwife when my second kiddo was born if he had a tongue tie because his tongue looked like a little heart. We were told in the hospital that he didn't have a tongue tie only to be told 6 weeks later (after really struggling with breastfeeding) that he did indeed have one and quite a severe one too. (Make sure they feel underneath your baby's tongue and that they check thoroughly.) Things like this absolutely 100% determine whether you are going to have a pleasant breastfeeding journey or not. If you aren't sure ask, ask and ask again. Breastfeeding, when done right, shouldn't be painful. If it is, something is wrong ~ ask for help!
3. Hair loss
This I may have disliked the most. Right, so, I'm not sure if you know this but you lose A LOT of hair once baby is out. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it, the amount of hair I was losing I thought I was on my way to losing all of my hair. Bye bye voluminous preggy hair, hello shedding nightmare from hell! I remember getting to the point where I didn't want to wash my hair because I was so scared it was all going to fall out.
What causes this? Why hormones of course! Falling estrogen levels to be more specific. That's the good news though right? It means it isn't permanent and that once the levels are back to normal things will calm down with the shedding and you should be back to your normal fullness by baby's first birthday, if not sooner.
This is where I saw the impact of the shedding the most. I had one of these bald spots on either side of my head.
What can you do? My solution to this "problem" was to get a new sassy, short hairdo with a fringe to hide the cringe. If cutting your hair off doesn't sound like a viable option for you then dermatologists recommend using a volumizing shampoo and a conditioner formulated for fine hair as this won't weigh your hair down. Just avoid using any shampoo and conditioner that weigh your hair down. The aim of the game is volume :)
Other than that all you ready can do is ride it out knowing that this too shall pass. But good luck because like I said at the beginning, this one was tough for me.
4. Intrusive thoughts
Ok, I take back the fact that I disliked the hair loss the most ~ THIS one was by far the worst.
I can't remember exactly when after my first son was born that they started but I do remember feeling horrified that I was thinking these things. The nature of the thoughts left me feeling like I was the worst mother in the world and the only comfort I had was knowing that I would never ever do these things to my child. These things being: kicking him out of his little baby rocker, stabbing him with the knife I was using to cut vegetables or just squeezing him really hard. I feel horrified just typing that and thought about editing it out but where's the help in that? The point is to face this thing head on so that you know it'll be ok.
I remember the day I told my husband I was having these like it was yesterday. It had been a tough day ~ 6 week jab day. My baby had woken up from his afternoon nap in an absolute state. He cried so hard he turned so red he nearly looked purple and I just sat there crying with him. My husband got home from work and came upstairs. I was sitting on the daybed snuggling our little boy, tears streaming down my face. "What's wrong?" he asked. "I'm the worst mom in the world", I replied. "Don't be silly. Why do you say that?" I cried even harder, choking on the words, struggling to get them out. Feelings of shame, guilt, judgment flooded over me "What will he think of me? What is wrong with me?" Then finally I told him about the thoughts. He gave me a hug and said "well, if that makes you the worst mom then I must be the worst dad because I've had thoughts like that too." The conversation ended with us laughing at how silly the thoughts were when spoken out loud but we were probably just so relieved that we had shared this with eachother and unburdened ourselves of this heavy weight we had been carrying around.
What are intrusive thoughts? Well, thoughts that just pop into your head out of nowhere. They are uncharacteristic of your usual everyday thoughts and the more you try and push them away the stronger they come back. They usually include thoughts of you accidentally or intentionally harming your baby.
Why do they pop up? The word that kept popping up when doing a bit of research on this topic was ANXIETY. Other reasons may include those dropping levels of estrogen and progesterone I mentioned earlier, postpartum depression or an underlying mental health condition such as obsessive compulsive disorder. This is one reason why it is vitally important that new moms reach out to someone for comfort and/or support if you are experiencing scary, intrusive thoughts. You really don't and shouldn't have to struggle in silence.
What should you do? Speak to someone. For me, telling my husband lightened the proverbial load and the thoughts eventually went away on their own. With my second born I reached out to the GP. He let me know that the anxiety I was told I had by the health visitor at 6 weeks postpartum had probably bubbled over into depression as the anxiety had been left unchecked. I went onto antidepressants 8 months after my second child was born so my advice will always be to speak to someone: partner, close friend, health visitor, GP, ME! No, you are not crazy. No, they will not take your baby from you. Yes, you are the best mom to your little human ~ you're just a human going through a bit of a tough time because NEWSFLASH, postpartum ain't easy! And above all else BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Whether this is your first child or your fifth, no two experiences are the same. Just please make sure you don't struggle alone. Talk to someone x
Proof that my first born survived the intrusive thoughts. He'll be seven in April :) You'll be ok!
5. Not feeling the feels
"Push! Push! You're nearly there! Last big push! Congratulations it's a boy!" They place the baby on the mother's chest who sobs uncontrollably and falls in love with baby immediately. This is the scenario portrayed by every single Hollywood movie. On every natural birth Instagram page. The problem is - well my problem anyway - is that this wasn't my reality at all with my first born and it left me feeling like a really shit human. Where was my immediate gushing of love and tears and uncontrollable emotion promised to me by the movies?
This sat with me for days - months even - until it dawned on me: "it must have been because I'd had a c-section. No pushing, no labouring, no rushes of hormones to deal with the pain (my pain was still to come). I didn't have to work for it. Was that it?" I had convinced myself that this absolutely was the reason why when they put him on my chest all I could think was "he's so heavy and ugly and can someone please take him off me now." [the puffy little purple face covered in vernix was not what I was expecting. It was a bit of a shock if I'm being perfectly honest hence the ugly comment.] I felt bewildered, perplexed, sore and confused. This little human that had just spent nine months growing inside me [my body obvs just knew what to do] was now on the outside and I had no clue what to do.
I guess the bonding was also delayed slightly by an emergency trip to the NICU for baby and me being milked like a cow by a midwife with a syringe for colostrum ["can't let all of this natural gold go to waste" were her words]. Not something I was expecting and definitely not something that was covered in our NCT classes [the NICU bit and the syringe part] .
I am however pleased to report that the love did come rushing in and was firmly there by the time we left the hospital and it has been keepng my heart fill to the brim ever since. For the longest time I thought that this was how it was for me because I delivered my boys by c-section [NOTE: I didn't feel the lack of emotion the second time around because I knew what to expect] but I spoke to another mom who had delivered her daughter vaginally and she said that she felt the same way that I had. A long, hard labour left her feeling utterly exhausted and very much not overwhelmed with love or the good feels when they put baby on her chest. She wanted baby off her chest, some food and a good amount of sleep.
So now you know that if this happens to you, don't despair - it's ever so fleeting and that love will come flooding in in no time! Again, if you are having a hard time bonding with your baby speak to someone about it. If after a week or so you are still struggling to find that bond it might be a sign of postpartum depression. There is no shame in postpartum depression and there is no shame in being open and honest about how you are feeling. Having a baby is hard work and there is so much more to it than the glamorized lovey version you see in the movies.
Real life is hard. Real life is messy. Real life is always so much better when you speak to someone about it so you know you aren't alone :)
An actual photo of me looking at the purple face covered in vernix wishing they'd take him off me
So there you have it my lovelies, the 5 things that I wish I had known about postpartum. There are so many other things that I wish I could tell you about but I don't want to spoil all of your fun :) At the end of the day these little humans are an absolute blessing. They can bring you to your knees in a heart beat and lift your soul right up to the clouds in elation in the next. It's an absolute rollercoaster but what can I say, I've always been a fan of the thrill of rollercoasters :)
If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone, get in touch! I'm not a qualified health practitioner but I'm a mom with a heart, ears and broad shoulders if you ever need one to cry on.
Sending you all of the luck and love as you embark on this wild new adventure :)
xxx
postpartum - nightsweats - mastitis - hair loss - newborn photography - candid motherhood photography - intrusive thoughts - hampshire family photographer
